Crispin Best

allow me to change your life

welcome to the poem
i am cold by the window

there are things in the universe that are
just raccoons

remember the reflection in your bathroom when you are there
remember the compliments it keeps paying you
“you’re so beautiful i want to fart on your legs”
your reflection says


there is a cold lustre
to the worlds of red headed girls and kitchen appliances
try to remember that
or consider the part of you that knows
the exact moment a dragonfly the shape of a dragonfly will reappear
from behind a bush

what about a 10ft restraining order where 10ft
is the furthest away you're allowed to be

“darling you smell awesome like a grandma” your reflection says
what about the world's smallest octopus
how did it get to be so small

at least life is hell
remember that

what about how it feels to steady a person when the train lurches
and for example could you gladly climb a ladder to lie in a bed
could you marry a bumblebee if it loved you back
i could

remember science is always doing a thing we don’t understand
to the sky
for example how is this sky the pink of faded orange socks
how can it end
how can it be dark etcetera

consider that a car park full of happy dogs is a thing that could exist
what about that
what about competitive pleasuring of everyone
what about mist
“i still fall in love with you like bird noises” (your reflection again)

go ahead and remember bottled water

bottled water


and what is the highest floor of a building
you can imagine a horse being on
now imagine a horse on the level above that

you’re welcome




the illuminati jokebook

where do babies come from?
babies come from their dicks same as anyone
you big dummy

i want to get drunk and look at a candle with you tonight
snowboarding horses couldn't stop me

i'm an optimist
that's what i like about you

when we fit ourselves together
we are truly a power rangers
the black ranger
the white ranger
the asian ranger

i read about a swimming pool next to a crematorium
they actually use the heat from cremations to warm the pool
that’s me and you
those two idiot buildings

we’re gonna forget so damn much when we’re dead
like do cats get turned on when i stroke them
and if no why the fuck not

i am a long night at the river with you

my peanut butter and jam both ran out in the same sandwich
so truly romance is alive in the world today

if i ever become an awesome rocket launcher then please
just shoot me

well now look at us
all green kissing
in the light of the exit sign



Crispin Best is a British poet and author, born in 1983. He has texts published in "Robot Melon", "Ha Ha Clever", "Eye Shot", "Abjective", and "Clinic", among others, and also writes for "Dazed & Confused". Crispin Best lives and works in London.